Children Need to Feel Needed

We had the second meeting of our "Positive Discipline" book club and the turnout was great!  We covered Chapters 2 and 3.  Some of the ideas we discussed:  The mistaken belief that children won't learn unless they suffer for their mistake, that we can't give children self-esteem, children need to feel needed and to make  positive contributions, and that asking instead of telling is one of the most positive actions we can take with our children.  One way children gain self-esteem is through self-reliance.  When self-reliance is gained children are able to contribute positively and feel capable.
One concept that stood out for me is the way to win a child's cooperation.  This involves four steps:  express understanding, show empathy, share your feelings, and invite the child to focus on a solution.  We all agreed that when the child has a stake in the solution because he was part of the idea, it is more likely to work.  We also talked a bit about birth order, and more in-depth about perfectionism, which seems to affect a fair number of children.  Last thought; "all people (including children) have equal claims to dignity and respect."  Please add your thoughts in the comment section.  Until next time!